Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Hey curvy girls all over the world,
Holiday season is officially here and I for one can't wait to see those family members I haven't seen all year and to eat some of my mom's down home cooking. The holidays can be a fun time and it can also be a tough time when it comes to spending it with family. Whether you're plus size or not, at some point or another, we've all encountered that one or sometimes those two family members (which seems to always be an aunt or uncle) who feel the need to greet you on Thanksgiving day or Christmas day with, "Girl, you put on some weight. What have you been eating?" You know what I'm talking about. The family member who watches how much food you put on your plate at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner.

I'm known in my family for having wide hips and a big butt, so whenever I see a particular cousin she always says, girl, you better slow down, those hips are spreading. It would drive me nuts. Before I accepted my body,  hearing that would make my self esteem plummet. It made me want to go in a corner, slide down against the wall with my hands over my ears saying, leave me alone (yes, I can be that dramatic). I don't know why, but doesn't it seem like family members can be your worst enemy when it comes to weight and body acceptance? What's even worse is when its a family member who is just as big as you are making the antagonistic comments.

When I hear, girl, you're getting big, I'm always ready to quote Tyra and say, "So What!"

Personally, I think that people have to be careful when it comes to negative comments about someone's weight because you never know what someone may be going through and a careless comment can push someone over the edge or send them on a downward spiral. Weight is a very personal thing. We all have our goals as to what size or number on the scale we would like to be. However, we should be allowed to be happy with ourselves or put on a few pounds without everyone making a big deal about it. We live in a world that finds it hard to believe when a woman is happy with her overweight body.

The holidays are for love and laughter with family not conversations about HOW BIG YOU GOT.

Below are a few of my Do's and Dont's when it comes to dealing with family and their insensitive comments about your weight:

Do Positive Affirmations
1. Positive affirmations are a great way to build up your body self esteem. Before your family comes to town or before you head to their town put some of your favoirte quotes on a post it and keep them in your purse. Read them over and over again. They will help keep you strong. Here are few to get you started:

I love my body
I accept my body as it is
I am beautiful just as I am
I am thankful for my body moving with ease
My body is perfect just like this
I am thankful for my strength
I am appreciative of the compliments I receive about my body
I enjoy feeling good about my body
(Affirmation credit:The Benefits of Positive Thinking)

Do wear something that makes you proud of your body
Put on your favorite outfit that makes you feel great about yourself. Whether its jeans or a dress wear something that you will feel your best in. Sometimes a great outfit can serve as bullet proof glass against those surly comments. For me, when I wear skinny jeans and 4 inch heels, you can't tell me nothing. It makes me feel the most confident.

Don't go on a crazy 2 day diet
I don't know about you but years ago when I knew the holidays were close, I would try and go on some crazy 1 week or 2 day diet hoping to drop 10lbs before seeing my family. Let me tell you that those kinds of diets don't work. One reason is because you're forcing yourself to diet for other people and not for yourself and secondly, you will be ready to pass out for the unnecessary craziness you put your body through. As the saying goes, you should only lose weight for yourself and in many cases for your health. Never for anyone else.

Don't go into conversations about how you are trying to lose weight (Just my opinion)
Whether you're trying to lose weight or not, don't go into a full blown conversation about how you're tying to lose weight because you don't want to have a pity party or invite everyone to weigh in on how you should be losing weight (unless you want their advice). Your weight is nobody's business but your own. As I said above, people are more willing to hear more about how you're trying to lose weight oppose to hearing you say you love your body just as it is. You should remain positive about your body.

Kill them with kindness
If someone does make a remark about your weight, reply with a smile and say, "Thank you, I'm finally at my goal weight." Just kidding, that's what the sarcastic Alissa would say. Honestly, if you do encounter those negative weight comments just look the person in the eye and say:

"I look good, I feel good, and that's all that matters to me. How have you been doing?"
This will take the focus off your weight and put the spotlight on them.

I  hope that my tips are helpful to you and I hope all of you enjoy your holidays this year. I also hope you are all greeted by your family and friends with nothing but love and positivity.

Please feel free to share any tips you may have to help our fellow plus size curvy girls have the best body positive holiday ever.

Photo Credit: Curvy Goddess


Ticka said...

That sounds like my family reunion. Every year, it's the same thing from the same few people. "Girl, you getting thicker and thicker everytime I see you!!" Never mind that I have literally been the same weight for 5 over years. It used to bother me when I first moved away, but now I don't pay it any attention.

Love yourselves Ladies!!!

angie said...

thank you so much for posting this. I have been struggling this week with the thoughts or comments or being ignored I will more than likely receive. I wonder how 1 of my siblings would like it if I commented on their horrible marriages just out of the blue or the husband who stays home on his butt while his wife works 2 jobs...yeahhh, I dare them.

GFS said...

OMG! I have two cousins that are overweight and are always calling somebody else FAT!

One year, one of those kids said something like "Your hips sure are wide now."

I turned around and said, "Hey, when are you going to have that gastric bypass surgery?"


He never said another thing about my weight after that.

*pats myself on the back*

~Shay~ said...

I can relate soooo much to this. my mother in particular was the main you commenting. and she comments even not on the holidays. but it does take a lot of strength, and your guidelines are so true. You have to get yourself in a right state of mind.


Elizabeth said...

Thank you so much for this! Holidays or not, I've been dealing with this girl I go to nursing school with who is ALWAYS commenting on my weight. I hate it when people think being overweight as well gives them permission to speak negatively about you. It doesn't! Just pity all the people that are so rude, weight is obviously more of an issue for them than it is for us!

Ylenia said...

totally agree with you! family is one of the most dangerous place for cutting off self esteem!!

Love, Ylenia | Longuette

Anonymous said...

I agree, I used to get this from my family when I was nothing more than a kid "Don't overeat or you gone get bigger, you already fat"so imagine it now that I'm a adult. That's why I became bulimic, then they picked on me about that too. I'm not gonna lie it still bothers me, and my self esteem.

The Dumpy Duchess said...

great post Alissa, sometimes family can be the worse. Family members have a tendency to think that because they feel something is true, and because they're family and family should be honest, they can say whatever they want regardless of how it sounds or feels. my mother is like that. i she delivers her jabs and then backs it up by saying, "I'm your mother, i'm not going to lie to you and i don't say things to hurt you but wouldn't rather the truth come from me?" lol then she assures me that people are talking about me behind my back. All the while, I'm thinking, wow, if they do i'm it isn't half as hurtful and some of the stuff u say! lol needless to say, i had to gain self esteem from other sources which didn't work out so well in college. but, through learning to love God and THEN love myself completely (which is still a process), blogging, and helping others, I made it through and i am still going. lol thanx for the inspiring post, honey. it's helpful to know that others go through some of the same things.

Please check out my article on loving your curves that I wrote for PlusSizeFashionDiva a while back.

Rhoyale said...

great post.

Tammie said...

You DO look good!
People do have a way of trying to project their insecurities onto people...even familg members.

Style4Curves said...

I feel that family members that poke fun at weight are really insecure around you. I fight fire with fire if someone pokes fun at my weight they can be sure to receive a smart ass comment back.

Carol Caran said...

Hello Gorgeous! I´m brazilian and I have a blog for plus size girls and I love your outfits. I translated this post of yours to my blog, I hope it´s ok. Thanks you for the tips and congratulations for the blog. It´s one of my favourites!

In case of any problem, you cam mail me at:

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